Mind and Brain

Love yourself vs Change yourself?

This friend of mine is a socially awkward guy. He never feels like talking to a person in the first place, and when he does, he feels uneasy.

He doesn’t feel like participating in a group conversation just bc he thinks that people will judge him.

Guess what? he’s not the only. one.

The thing with these people is that some of them think that is a bad habit.


Now, on one hand, we have the good old “love yourself” theory which says that we should love ourselves just the way we are and shouldn’t try to be someone else or to be someone who isn’t the true “me”.

Then there’s the theory of “change yourself” which says that minor or major changes to your lifestyle will bring confidence and happiness. Like joining a gym to look fit so that you can get into the “socially accepted people” category and things will be easier for you.

But then if your friend comes to you for advice and asks you what should he/she do about a social anxiety, what will you say?
will you say that they should remain the way they are or should you say that they should change themselves?
in both methods, there is a chance of winning.
but which method is the best one?


According to adjustment psychology, our traits such as introversion, extraversion, etc remain STABLE over the years. They don’t change.

That’s because we ourselves choose environments which sustain the person we are.

If I am an introvert, I will always be attracted towards jobs which suit my taits like writing, painting, etc. (Guess what? Many introverts are said to have good skill set related to the jobs which are “introvert-friendly” like again, painting, writing etc.) 

Nature itself supports our traits and we also do it.

Which means that you actually cant completely change who you are. Does it cancel the option of “change yourself”? No.

You do need to change yourself because the environment is not stable. It’s us who adjust ourselves to it to make our life stable and less worrisome.


SO, you might consider changing some aspects of your lifestyle which aren’t healthy.

For example, can you tell me whats wrong in joining the gym? Nothing is.
You will be fit. That’s good for you. That will change your body, your mind, and your appearance but if you love yourself, you will be happy with the change cause its a good change!

SO, we can benefit at a 100% rate if we do both the things of loving yourself and changing yourself.

But the first thing you need to do is to know who you are. Are you an introvert? Are you socially awkward? what is it that you really are.

After that, accept the reality. Start to love the reality.

Love yourself so that you can be confident enough to make a decision to bring a change if the change is good for you.

Loving yourself will eventually lead you to change yourself.

“Joining the gym is good for me, for my body and for keeping diseases away. Yes, it will change the way I look, talk, etc but I think I will be able to cope with the change if I give myself some time”.


Hey, guys hope you liked the post. It’s just my opinion. If you have a different opinion, you can put it in the comment section below.

Wanna read more?

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